Melania Trump didn’t cry over election results

A word about literature’s latest anti-Trump bark.

Some of us around Donald the very night he was elected have just called one another. I stood alongside him at his headquarters office beginning 9 p.m. as election returns were coming in. His other side, Mike Pence. Flanking me, Chris Christie. Donald’s family stood directly behind.
Other friends accompanied him later in those early morning hours when he made his acceptance speech at a hotel.

None of us — none — not one, not any of us — ever saw — as this bark contends — Melania “crying” and “upset.” This lady’s very smart. Savvy.

Were she teary — which she wasn’t — it’d have been either from excitement or if her hairdresser was late.

None of us — not one of us — not a single one of us — recall Melania crying. And we’ve phoned one another to confirm.

She was always supportive. She gave the race her imprimatur. Melania’s smart. Savvy. And sharper than whoever fed this author his dog bowl.

Another thing. Trump and Bannon were always teeter-totter. Tuesday marry, Wednesday separate, Thursday reunite, Friday divorce. But this go-round was so egregious that — forget knives — the White House is now into bayonets.

Jared has verbally told staffers we’re into a loyalty test. Not only denounce throbbing Bunion but do it publicly. Aloud. On camera. To reporters.

He’s leading the charge to see this S(of a)B gone. Like forever. Like into eternity.

They did 8, I ate

New Year’s new weight-loss plan is a new 8-Hour Diet that’s being burped about all over. Fast fasting has swallowed the fast lane. Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Ben Affleck, Christian Bale, Tom Hardy former NFLer Terry Crews now eat for any eight hours, fast the other 16. Jimmy Kimmel only dines five days a week.

What he chews on weekends, who knows? Maybe his ratings.

Beyoncé, J.Lo, Benedict Cumberbatch are into small portions two days a week on the 5:2 diet (five days of eating whatever you want, two of eating fewer than 600 calories). One so-called expert says no food stimulates the brain and promotes the “growth of neurons and enhances memory performance.”

Whilst I knock off my bagel and schmear, I shall still remember to tell this expert to shove it.

Mum on how far she went to play a nun

Melissa Leo, the Reverend Mother in “Novitiate,” isn’t living big-time faith. “I’m not religious. I’m nervous about organized religion. That’s deeply personal. To live as a monk or nun is an individual decision.

“However, there is something about the purity of being in the sisterhood of women.”

So was this method actress celibate during the filming?

“None of your business.” Amen.

Coach confidante

We just lost Jerry Van Dyke, who played an assistant coach on “Coach.” Shelley Fabares also starred. Together 14 hours a day, he said: “We’re close. Shelley’s wonderful. A perfectionist with fear of failure, I love co-workers I’m comfortable with.”

Snow blows so many travel plans

Weather. From below the Mason-Dixon, Bobby Zarem, who created our “I Love New York”: “Savannah’s first snow since 1988” … Parents with babies heading home to Shanghai on Wednesday. The plane had engine failure. Next, the blizzard. With future flights full, they’re still here … Another from Budapest got dumped for days in Chicago. Finally into JFK, their bags are still in Chicago customs.

Friday. 9 p.m. A cabbie drove three passengers from 55th & Lex to 58th & Park while constantly watching TV on his iPhone.

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.