Celebrity couples weigh in on love and Valentine’s Day

Friday. Valentine’s Day.

True love is when your father takes out the garbage and your mother goes with him … Practical love is when you’re paying court and ends when you’re paying in court … But per Mae West: “Real love conquers all — except poverty and toothache.”

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka first spied each other on an NYC street — Ninth between 44th and 45th. Burtka had a huge crush. Harris: “Couldn’t take my eyes off him. I stammered around him.”

Kim and Kanye. Each helps the other rise above the haters. He writes songs for her. She’s at and by his side. With killer fashion sense, both appreciate each other’s vanity. Kanye: “I dreamed of being next to her. On her Christmas card I’d sketch myself in next to her.”

Candace Bushnell: “I never liked Valentine’s Day. Why fall prey to notions that are meant to make you feel bad?”

Sandra Bullock: “Oh, please. I like what a man comes equipped with. But they should know that a woman is like an oven. She needs five to 15 minutes to heat up.”

Beyoncé and Jay-Z began dating in 2001, when both were featured on a Music Issue magazine cover. He says: “You’ve got to try first. You got to wine and dine and dazzle.” Then: “She was a good girl until she knew me.”

Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis kept running into each other over six months. “One night,” says Olivia, “my best guy friend walked up to him and said, ‘This is Olivia’s number. Use it!’ ”

Couples from long ago

About Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky — let’s not go there. When Frank Sinatra fell for MGM’s Ava Gardner, it was big passion, big fights, big drinking. What was small was their time together. The biopic “Frank and Ava,” which you can watch on Amazon Prime Video, lasts longer than their marriage did.

In old-time, big-time passion were Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. The affair lasted their lifetime. Hollywood knew it. Journalists whispered it. But Tracy, a practicing Catholic, would not divorce his wife. Thus — careful to never be photographed together — world-famous Katharine Hepburn accepted a secret relationship that lasted the rest of their lives.

Tracy’s widow once told Hepburn: “I thought you were a rumor.”

On meeting cute

Giuliani met two-wives-ago Donna Hanover on a blind date. They got married. They got divorced. Michael Douglas met Diandra at Jimmy Carter’s ’77 pre-inaugural event. Carter didn’t reign forever. Neither did Diandra. Nicolas Cage spied Patricia Arquette inhaling liver and onions in LA. The deli lasted. The marriage didn’t. Ethan Hawke saw Uma Thurman at an ATM machine in Tompkins Square Park. Came romance. Came marriage. Came divorce. Came her subsequently saying she has no recollection of their first meeting.

Notes on the can

“The RoMANtic’s Guide: Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love” says: “Unspool a toilet paper roll, write messages like ‘Good morning, sweetie’ on some sheets using a black felt marker. Wind up again and replace it. Scribbling a love note on a roll of toilet paper is a big surprise when your love visits the loo.”

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Vanity Fair’s May issue is readying a piece on Ghislaine Maxwell, who loved Epstein deeply and wanted to marry him. Speaking of great true love stories. Valentine’s Day is my anniversary. I was married in — and have lived …

… only in New York, kids, only in New York.